Dearest readers, I thought I’d give you a little break from cooking and allow you to digest all the yummy food you’ve doubtlessly been eating. So, instead of a post about a recipe, I’m going to tell you a little story. You may want to grab the nearest plushy stuffed animal to hold on to, because it is a bit scary.
Got your teddy bear? Good. Let us begin.
Today, I present the harrowing tale of…Too Much Wasabi!!!!
It all began innocently enough. One day, I set about preparing my lunch, selecting a lovely container of sushi from the fridge. After placing a few pieces of the heavenly rolls on my plate, I noticed an interesting green substance sitting in the sushi container. Curious, I examined it closer and came to the conclusion that it must be guacamole, because I am from Texas and am convinced that there are trace amounts of that avocado ambrosia coursing through my veins.
Having happened upon such a wonderful discovery, I excitedly spread the entire glob of green goodness on one piece of sushi and popped it in my mouth with gleeful abandon.
I imagine by now that you have guessed that I wasn't munching on guacamole.
That deceptively delightful substance was indeed wasabi.
Within a millisecond of hitting my tongue, the devilish wasabi worked its magic, setting my mouth afire with its spicy flames. At this point, a sensible person would have spit out the offensive nibblet. I, however, am not a sensible person, and continued to chew and swallow the entire piece of wasabi-fied sushi, searing my taste buds and sending it’s flames licking down my throat as well.
By now my mouth was practically numb and my temples were beginning to perspire. I had to act fast. Scrambling around my kitchen, I filled a glass with some spice-dousing milk and chugged it at lightning speed. After the milk, I proceeded to down an entire water bottle as well, finally quieting the wasabi fiesta taking place in my mouth.
Now that I’ve sufficiently terrified you with my vivid recollections of the most painful food experience of my life, I’ll provide you with some visual representations as well!
This is wasabi.
This is guacamole.
Wasabi is not guacamole.
This is sushi. It is tasty and harmless.
This is wasabi on top of sushi. It is momentarily tasty and then extremely painful.
On a side note, while I was taking the above photos, my dad wandered into the kitchen, presumably wondering why I was taking pictures of sushi by the sink, and proceeded to steal that piece of wasabi-covered sushi and pop it into his mouth. I watched on in horror as he chewed gleefully and then proceeded to go about his business without so much as a sip of water.
I feel like such a weakling. My entire traumatizing story has been completely invalidated.
Oh well, I just chalk it up there with my dad’s disturbing amount of upper body strength, as demonstrated by the fact that I actually bounce away from him whenever I try to push him out of my way.
Do you see what I have to endure? Do you?!
Anyway, I don’t want to frighten you any further, so I will conclude storytime for today.
If you have dreams about pieces of wasabi chasing you through a sushi restaurant tonight, don’t blame me.