August 8, 2010

A Giveaway Clue Gone Wrong

As it so happens, so many times, I start off with the best intentions. How things end up, well, that’s another story. I have noticed a pattern to these events, though. They all revolve around some sort of pie or tart crust.

Except when they revolve around salmon and eggs.

Or chimichurri.

Okay, so these sorts of incidents don’t just revolve around pies, but they do happen a lot more often when pastry business is involved. Honestly, I can’t make a pie to save my life.

Case in point…

This was supposed to be Strawberry-Rhubarb Pie.

However, I am undaunted. Even though this tart didn’t turn out the way I wanted (i.e. the crust not disintegrating), it will serve as the second and final hint as to what I’ll be giving away very soon! Put your thinking caps on and think, think, think!

In the meantime, I thought instead of posting the recipe for this tart, which in no way measures up to the greatness that is my Triple Chocolate Tart; I would do a brief Kitchen Disasters post. Call it “Kitchen Disasters: Part Deux” if you will. Or perhaps “Why-am-I-Still-Taking-Culinary-Advice-from-Someone-who-has-so-Many-Kitchen-Disasters: Part Deux”? Nah, let’s just stick with the first one, if only for simplicity’s sake.

Anyway, that tomato tart had promise I tell ya! Look at this picture of it in its youthful innocence.

Pure, tomato-fied artistry.

Even once it was baked, it looked nice.

Who knew such soggy evil lurked beneath its surface?

Anyway, it must have been the Dijon mustard mixture that goes beneath the tomatoes or my total lack of pastry-making skills that made it turn out so badly. Don’t get me wrong, it actually tasted quite good, it just didn’t have a good texture and tended to fall apart the second I even thought about cutting a piece. Based on that, I decided not to do a recipe post about this dish. Trust me; I’ve saved you a lot of disappointment, unless you’re a pastry-making prodigy, in which case I am jealous.

Moving on. This little chicken salad wasn’t bad…but it just wasn’t all that good either.

We don’t like mediocre chicken salad here at La Kocinera.

Yes, I just referred to myself in plural. It’s the royal “we”, as in “We are not amused” as Queen Victoria once said. Plus, it’s my blog. I could refer to myself as Fredericka Moonflower if I wanted to. I don’t want to, but I could. It’s the principle of the thing.

What was I talking about? Oh right, disaster and despair.

Beyond the chicken salad, there was the time that I made Blueberry Cheesecake Cupcakes from Jessica Seinfeld’s “Deceptively Delicious” cookbook, which advised me to sneak spinach and squash puree into cupcakes.

This is how the universe retaliates.

Honestly, this was simply a question of karma. You just don’t sneak vegetables into cupcakes. It will not end well.

There you have it! Another delightful installment chronicling all the ways things have gone terribly, terribly wrong during my adventures in bloggery. Just so you don’t think I’ve completely lost my marbles, remember this…

Good things still happen in my kitchen, my friends. Very good things.


  1. Keep up the good work. I love your blog, the photos are beautiful, and your descriptions make me smile. Although breads from scratch work great for me, pie crust is often my downfall. More than once my quiches have been a bit watery. But sometimes these things work into amazing and special results just like your chocolate tart, lemon cookies, etc.

  2. this post made me laugh! especially your royal "we"! :)

    oh, and i do so love your triple chocolate tart!

    btw, i've just passed on to you the versatile blogger award... follow this link!

  3. I feel your pain and I also belong to the club of failed pastry. Great post.

  4. I like posting also about failures! I think it's very important to realize that in the kitchen you cannot always predict the result. I LOOOVE your appeal to karma though....somehow I always believed that veggies do not belong to cupcakes too.....some people manage to make it work but somehow I don' you see you are not alone! :)

  5. The way I see it, if we never experimented and tried new things, whether they worked out or not, we'd never have successes like you did in that last picture!

  6. Try, try again Koci! Where would we be without your lovely recipes and photos? Hungry, that's where! I also love your sense of humor!

  7. Fredericka MoonflowerAugust 08, 2010

    Hey, you stole my name! ;)

  8. I blogged about a cake from H-ll a couple weeks ago. Believe me,I can relate!

  9. @Lady Cooks the Blues: Thanks! I loooove freshly baked bread.

    @surviving suburbia: haha Thanks! I seriously can't stop munching on that tart. Thanks a lot for the award!!

    @Janis: Thanks! I get the feeling that the failed pastry club definitely has its fair share of members. :D

    @Sara: I must say, I love reading posts about kitchen failures. I think it's all part of our shared experiences in cooking. It's an imperfect art. :)

    @baking.serendipity: Very true! When it comes to cooking, you just have to be a little brave sometimes. You can end up with some really yummy surprises!

    @Becky: LOL! Thank you!

    @Fredericka Moonflower: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, my dear!

    @eileen: Ah yes, I've had a cake or two elude me as well. :D


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